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reallymadscientist:

mallotovcocktail:

once a month, my uterus has a liquidation sale and everything must go.

best prices in town. period.


700,088 plays

sextnoise:

Does anyone else lie in bed at 2:30am filled with the crippling fear that they’re never going to accomplish anything in life and fail miserably or is that just me

no im just scared of the monster thats under my bed


Guy on train:  I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
Me:  *turns up music*
Guy:  I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
Me:  *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Guy:  Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Me:  
Guy:  Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door:  Hey. Leave her alone.
Guy:  Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
Lady:  *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Me:  Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
Lady cop:  I can make that happen.
Guy:  Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
Lady cop:  And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Entire train:  *applauds*

youngstero:

my first thought this morning was “count olaf should have been more thoroughly checked by social services”

nivalingreenhow:

when McGonagall finds out that Ginny is pregnant, and that the Weasley and Potter bloodlines will converge, she marks on her calender the day the child will turn 11 and that is the day she retires

disco-robots:

No wonder teenagers are so nervous and frustrated all the time; I can’t even sigh without my parents asking me why I have a “bad attitude.”

when youre at a concert does it suddenly hit you at random moments that the band are real people and not just pictures on the internet